Wednesday, April 11, 2007

The More I Think About It...

People Really Suck.

I had this moment of insight while Nikki and I were at the Upscale Cocktail Party better known as Costco. We were sampling the spread, which was quite sparse at 5pm, while pretending to shop. We followed our noses to a station which had a small toaster oven and some Nestle Tollhouse pre-made mix that an older Asian lady was preparing. Nikki and I walked by, and found that there weren't any cookies left, we were lingering around the aisle, when the aforementioned moment of insight hit me. This middle aged Caucasian woman walked up to the lady who was making the cookies and said in a annoyed, judgmental voice "When Will They Be Ready?" The Asian Lady, did as I would've, and just ignored her. The other woman then decided that the Asian lady didn't speak as much English as she, so she (like we all do to those that don't speak our language) repeated herself, only louder and slower. "WHEN WILL THEY BE READY?!?!?!" The response of "about 40 minutes" was both absurd and perfect for the situation. It said in three words, that "I'm doing my job, my English is fine, and it's a FREE sample, so leave me alone." I mean, seriously, no compassion. Just Brutal.

Friday, February 2, 2007

Keep to the code

So, for half of you, this will make perfect sense. For the other half, this will seem quite absurd.

In mens bathrooms, there is an unspoken code. It doesn't really apply to stalls with toilets, as you're assured of your privacy and the hardest part is to find a clean one. Urinals however, are a drastically different situation. Say there's 6 of them, right next to each other with no barriers between. If they're numbered left to right (1-6), #'s 1 and 6 will always be the first to be occupied. At this point the problem becomes clear for the next 2 patrons. The third person will automatically go to #3 (or 4, but for the sake of argument we'll use 3), but that fourth guy is in a real bind. Only urinals # 2, 4 and 5 are open, so if he doesn't want to wait, he has to stand next to someone. At that point, the stalls come into play. If all are occupied, the guy has to ask himself how bad he really has to go. While he's thinking about it, (to make the situation more cruel) another dude will undoubtedly show up. This is when lines form; even though enough urinals exist for everyone, only some will be in use. And not that there's anything wrong with that. Some guys get stage fright and like to have their privacy, and don't want some dude snuggling up to them while they take a leak.

The moral of the story: Get to the bathroom first, or go at home.

Thursday, February 1, 2007

Make it Stop

So, I'm sitting here in my Cultural Anthropology class waiting for it to start. All of the sudden, I'm reminded of why I don't like school, and what's making me so bitter. Watching everyone file in, sizing up each person to see if They're the one that will drive me insane all semester. Yes, this is bloody Anthro 2. If you're IN the right room at the right time, it'll be the right class. No need to try and introduce yourself to everyone in some sort of "Hi, I'm not sure if I know how to read a sign, how to follow my schedule, but really, I'm smarter than I look". Yeah, great first impression.

Speaking of great first impressions, a girl (specifically a GIRL) next to me is reading Barack Obama's second book. That's cool and all, but she obviously brought it today just to show off. Just like the very punk/rebel dressed dude in front of her is reading Marx's "Das Kapital". People think they're so damn smart. Yes, I'm quite happy here playing Tetris on my phone and ridiculing all you people silently.

Then there's the dude in front of me. He says hello to everyone he knows, like he's some sort of social butterfly. He then says 'Present' during roll call, with a little quirky smile and giggle. Sit your ass down, shut up, and when the teacher says your name, you say "Here." and that's all. No attitude, no attempt at sophistication, which is clearly failing as the stench of the 5$ cologne you're wearing is starting to give me a damn headache, and your stretching is CLEARLY violating my personal bubble. Asshole.

When will it end?

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Oh my F*****G Blog!

Ok, so I guess this is dumb. I'm starting a Blog. People prolly won't give a shit. Perhaps some totally random dude (I use this word for both genders, so don't be offended) will come across my blog one day and be like "Man, I totally get where you're coming from." Perhaps not.

So, I'm at a very interesting and exciting point in my life. I just got married. I can't even begin to describe what a blessing and a wonderful feeling this is. I know we're just scratching the tip of the ol' proverbial iceberg, but I'm totally stoked. I love this woman and she loves me, and it's wicked cool.

However, this new marriage thing is starting to teach me things about... Me. I'm complicated. I'm scattered. I'm forgetful. But, somehow, some way, the Good Lord will guide me out of this like he fixes everything else.

Here's my Blog. Enjoy.