Keep to the Code Part II

Not that I'm really into sequels, but this will be fast.

So, last year, I touched on keeping to the code in men's bathrooms here. For the record, that post was also way before that Senator got arrested for doing something ELSE in the bathroom, but I digress. To continue the theme of male social awkwardness, I bring up the topic of a phone number exchange.

It's just really weird to ask another dude for his phone number.There might be a perfectly legitimate reason for it; getting together of UFC fight night, study sessions for our disorganized and heavily biased Vine Physiology class, playing some Racquetball, etc. But you can't just outright ask for the number. There has to be some kind of reasoning behind it.

So, here are some examples of how it might work:

"Hey, do I have your number?"

That would never work on a woman. They know exactly to whom and when they give their number out - you'd be shot down in a glorious blaze of smoke and shrapnel. But us, we're stupid enough or so scattered with our memories that, "Oh, crap, I thought I did." Well of course we thought we did; we can't remember what we had for lunch three days ago, let alone the details of a conversation that was last year?

"Alright, so I'll call you about the ___________. Let me get your number."

Obviously this scenario would imply some social familiarity with the guy. Maybe you were gonna help him out ... fixing his car or brewing some beer over the weekend. Maybe you were proximal friends - your spouse is friends with his girlfriend or something - and it's suggested that you hang out. Chances are you'll end up getting along fine, but again, the number thing is weird.

"Hey, let me get your number, we'll hang out."

This one's probably the worst. Obviously the guy who is asking is enthusiastic about grabbing a beer or something. But what about the other guy? He can't exactly say "No thanks man", because that would be brutally impolite (though I know a couple of guys who wouldn't care about the manners and would say it anyway). So then, he's stuck with a guy who has his number but he has no desire to socialize with.

And then it ends up like that Seinfeld episode where Jerry can't get rid of the guy, and after he attempts to "break up" with him, ends up getting guilt tripped out of his Knicks tickets.


And for the above reasons, Business Cards were invented...

Grumpy Part III

OK, so maybe this is just getting old, or maybe I'm becoming bitter in my old age (I'm almost 25). I've been a real jerk on three different occasions this week.

1. Biochemistry. I was a little later than I usually am to the class, meaning I walked in as the professor started. I found a seat in the back with a couple other people from the Viticulture & Enology department (henceforth referred to as VEN), sitting next to one guy in particular who I'll just call "Dude". So, here were five "kids" sitting in front of us, who were stealing each other's notebooks, writing notes, re-stealing them and giggling. This went on for about 10 minutes. We have a mid-term coming up. Dude and I looked at each other and figured it was time to teach a life lesson. Dude led off by grabbing two of their shoulders and saying, "You wanna quit fucking around? It's starting to piss me off." Not to leave my 2 cents sitting in my pocket, I followed up with, "It's much cheaper to pass notes in High School."

2. Later that day, Dude and I were in another class that we share. A kid in front of us thought it would be a good idea to bring a box of cereal to class. Seriously, it took him 5 minutes to open the damn thing - during class - and the teacher doesn't speak that loud either. Grumpy here asked "Kid, you think you can do that any louder?!?" Kid replied, "uh... Sorry man." Dude was sitting next to me, cracking up silently.

3. We have these neighbors who have this annoying puffy little yap dog that NEVER shuts up. They also had a sign on their front gate that proclaimed "Bitch Boulevard" until the wind mercilessly blew it down a couple weeks ago. Damn dog was barking up a storm during my lunch, so I went over and in my low blood sugared state asked the dog owner to do something about it. "It's a dog, it barks. Why do you care?" she told me. I told her "Not all dogs bark as often or as annoying as that one, and it's ruining my lunch."

Maybe I'm just stressing about mid-terms next week. Maybe I'm a jerk. Maybe little things just bug the crap out of me for some reason. Maybe it's somewhere in between, but at this point, I'm not going to worry about it anymore.

I mean, I try to treat others like I would like to be treated. But in my mind, if I was jerking around during class disrupting everyone around me, making noise opening a box of cereal or letting my annoying ass dog bark all afternoon, someone would be well within their rights to hit me with a little common courtesy, which I would deserve at that point.

I Suck Too; Maybe I'm Just Grumpy

Yeah, I know it's been DAYS since I posted last, hence the title.

Updates: We live in wonderful Davis, CA. It's actually a pretty cool town, but not like home. Got a real nice condo out here. Just celebrated our first anniversary. I've got a job at a high end kitchen retailer in Sacramento (your choices are rather limited, and it's got nothing to do with a Table).

Now: What compelled me to post.

I am so sick of seeing all these college girls running around campus with their honking big sunglasses, their designer bags (or at least expensive knock-offs) and these damn UGG slippers. For those of you who don't know, they're these sheepskin boots that come up to about mid calf, and are quite unattractive and not flattering at all (just go google them, you'll get it). I know I can't exactly avoid college age people at a major university, but it's starting to get to me. The slippers probably get me the most; Davis isn't even that cold. If this were Fargo, ND I would understand, or maybe some place where the weather is constantly ugly like Seattle. But here? It was 58 and partly cloudy today (actually a gorgeous day), and plenty of leather slippers.

Not that the Guys aren't offenders as well. Most of them roll out of bed, hose themselves off with some sort of "Manly" body spray and come to class. The problem is, I can smell homeboy from 10 rows back and end up with a headache while he tries in vain to hook up with the girl next to him (and she's prolly got huge sunglasses in her expensive bag that's sitting next to her stupid UGG slippers).

Finally, people around here are such bad Pedestrians. Forget driving or riding a bike. They find ways to stand in the most inconvenient places and chit chat with their friends. Unlike them, I (unfortunately) have somewhere to go, and actually plan on getting there sometime today. And going back to the bike thing, You really don't want to know how many kids (yes, kids) I've seen with one hand on the handlebar and another holding the phone (most of the offenders happen to be wearing those damn slippers too). I mean, c'mon, at least get a Bluetooth - hands free would really have it's advantages on a BIKE. I'm sure that one of these days I'm gonna get blindsided by a moccasin wearing, bug eyed biker on a cell phone and it'll cost me an ACL and 3 months on my feet.

Makes me think that I'm either:
A. That much more mature than most all of the students here, and it's unreasonable to expect them to conduct themselves as I would.
OR
B. I'm out of touch with people 5 years younger than me and I'm just getting old and grumpy.

Welcome to the College Experience of the late 2000's.

The More I Think About It...

People Really Suck.

I had this moment of insight while Nikki and I were at the Upscale Cocktail Party better known as Costco. We were sampling the spread, which was quite sparse at 5pm, while pretending to shop. We followed our noses to a station which had a small toaster oven and some Nestle Tollhouse pre-made mix that an older Asian lady was preparing. Nikki and I walked by, and found that there weren't any cookies left, we were lingering around the aisle, when the aforementioned moment of insight hit me. This middle aged Caucasian woman walked up to the lady who was making the cookies and said in a annoyed, judgmental voice "When Will They Be Ready?" The Asian Lady, did as I would've, and just ignored her. The other woman then decided that the Asian lady didn't speak as much English as she, so she (like we all do to those that don't speak our language) repeated herself, only louder and slower. "WHEN WILL THEY BE READY?!?!?!" The response of "about 40 minutes" was both absurd and perfect for the situation. It said in three words, that "I'm doing my job, my English is fine, and it's a FREE sample, so leave me alone." I mean, seriously, no compassion. Just Brutal.

Keep to the code

So, for half of you, this will make perfect sense. For the other half, this will seem quite absurd.

In mens bathrooms, there is an unspoken code. It doesn't really apply to stalls with toilets, as you're assured of your privacy and the hardest part is to find a clean one. Urinals however, are a drastically different situation. Say there's 6 of them, right next to each other with no barriers between. If they're numbered left to right (1-6), #'s 1 and 6 will always be the first to be occupied. At this point the problem becomes clear for the next 2 patrons. The third person will automatically go to #3 (or 4, but for the sake of argument we'll use 3), but that fourth guy is in a real bind. Only urinals # 2, 4 and 5 are open, so if he doesn't want to wait, he has to stand next to someone. At that point, the stalls come into play. If all are occupied, the guy has to ask himself how bad he really has to go. While he's thinking about it, (to make the situation more cruel) another dude will undoubtedly show up. This is when lines form; even though enough urinals exist for everyone, only some will be in use. And not that there's anything wrong with that. Some guys get stage fright and like to have their privacy, and don't want some dude snuggling up to them while they take a leak.

The moral of the story: Get to the bathroom first, or go at home.